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©2017 BY SUSAN ALPER CONNECTIONS.

Copyright Susan Alper Connections 2018

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Confession of a matchmaker: Three dating lessons for people over 50

October 10, 2016

When I am asked what I do for a living and respond with matchmaker, people are always intrigued. Since it is not a profession you come across every day.  They want to know what I do, how I do it and what the secret is. Obviously I am not going to tell you my secrets; otherwise I wouldn’t have a job. But I will share the three main lessons I have learn over the years.

 

I came across these lessons over the years by speaking with many, many people. People tend to open up and share with me. I think it’s because they see a matchmaker as an unofficial (and much cheaper) therapist. As my clients share their passions, wants, needs and dreams, three main elements become clear: Firstly, clients in their 50’s are better prepared for finding a partner because they know what they want and are looking for a fresh start of love. Secondly, men and women want the same thing and don’t even realize it. Thirdly, appearance is vital.

 

Lesson one: There is love after 50 (and its usually better)

 

As a matchmaker one of the most common questions I get asked, “Why is it so hard for women over 50 to meet a good partner? Because I feel like men really only want someone in their 30’s.” However, this is simply not true. It’s a misconception. Through my years of observation, I believe a true equal partnership happens later in life.  People fear that as they get older, it becomes harder to find love and partnership, when in fact, it’s the perfect time. You become more comfortable with yourself, know what you want and happiness becomes a priority. Life experiences, both bad and good, let you know exactly what you are looking for in a partner and help guide you down the right path, toward the right person.

 

However, success relies on both parties learning from experiences, letting go of the past and a willingness to be ready to let another into their life. Being selfish in your 50’s gets old, real fast and is a recipe for loneliness.

 

Lesson 2: Men and women want the same thing (shocking, I know)

 

Men and women, over 50, both want the same thing and don’t even realize it. They both want an equal partner in life, love and support. Although these sentiments are not expressed in exactly the same way because, let’s be honest, men and women are from different planets.  The men I speak to say “I am ready to meet someone that doesn’t completely rely on me financially. I’ve had that already, I want an equal.” Whereas women express “I don’t want another child that I have to dress and feed, I want someone to have fun with and we can take care of each other.”

 

Men and women may not always understand each other, and that’s why (sometimes) they need a matchmaker (an outsider who speaks both languages) to decipher the message: Older clients want to enjoy the fruits of their labor with an equal partner and create new wonderful life experiences.  The reason I call out client’s age 50+ is because they have experiences that allow them to understand what they want, have learn to love themselves allowing someone else to love them too.

 

Lesson 3: Look good + feel good = attract the right person

 

I am still amazed when I have a client who doesn’t want to take pride in their appearance. Everyone wants to hear, “looks don’t matter.” But it’s simply not true. You have to have some sort of attraction to the other person, even just a smidge because the attraction can grow.

 

Both people need to take the time to look and feel their best (even if it means a smidge of botox and some teeth whitening). If you feel good, you will have confidence and be willing and open to meeting others. If you are not confident, it will be hard to invite others in.

 

Too many people get stuck in the past, both in fashion (ladies, teased bangs and blue shadow have not looked good since 1985 and men; nobody likes a comb-over!) and in relationship patterns. It is common for men and women to come out of a bad relationship, where they were not satisfied, and still believe it’s what they want again. It’s important to get to know yourself and let go of the past, allowing you to create new memories with a new person.

 

The take-away from the lessons I learn and what I tell all prospective and current clients over 50, “Material possessions won’t make you happy for long, once the novelty wears off, you will want someone by your side to enjoy life. A true partner that wants the same things you do and will hold your hand through the tough times.” So learn from experiences and get to know yourself, allowing you to find the right person, no matter your age. This will allow you to create new beginnings and live the life of your dreams.

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