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Knowing What You Want

October 1, 2016

Tired of hearing horrible experiences from online dating? It’s not the idea of online dating that is to blame – it’s the expectation. There are two basic things people look at when online dating: Pictures and Bio. It’s as simple as that.

 

But, how can you really get to know someone using only those two shortcuts?

 

Don’t get me wrong, today’s world of online dating is very different than what online dating was 10 years ago. It’s more accepted, larger, and the growing choice of someone looking to connect.

 

While it actually is easier to meet someone today,  it’s also sometimes harder to meet the right someone. More options means more filtering, after all.

 

What is the “All” That You Want?

 

Take into consideration the women of many years ago. Women weren't in the workforce and building careers like so many are today. Whether you think it was right or wrong, the truth is that way back when, woman searched for a man who wanted kids and hopefully had some kind of job.

 

Times have changed and many women not only want it all, but they can have it – and men don’t always know where they fit into the equation. They can’t seem to figure out what it is that you want specifically. You want a high pressure career, marriage, kids, and everything else that makes up your current lifestyle?

 

Or, do you want something completely different? These are the types of things you need a first date and more information than a bio to really figure out.

 

Do you both have the same goals and dreams? Do you plan on making your dreams a reality, or are you really just a big dreamer? If you say you want someone generous, do you mean rich – or do you mean someone caring and truly generous?

 

While your profile can help attract the best set of potential mates, you’ve got to understand you’ll still need to really narrow down what you want when it comes time for your first date. Just as you’ll need that time to see what the guy you’re out with really wants.

 

Your wants and needs have got to line up for it to work.

 

Where Misunderstanding Can Happen

 

Generous - Do you mean rich, or do you mean caring and generous? Do you expect to be spoiled or are you looking for someone who is selfless and giving?

Selfish - Are you using the word in a playful way, or do you really want everything your way or the highway?

 

Love at First Sight - Do you love it as an idea, or do you honestly believe if there’s nothing immediate that it just won’t work?

 

Jumping into anything before you’ve really defined what you want, and what your potential match wants, can lead to disaster. When it’s all about the physical aspect, for example, things can take a very different direction very quickly. A few months down the road, your fun hookups could turn into an unexpected pregnancy. Probably not what you intended when it started, right?

 

When Men (and Women) Lie

 

We hear these types of stories everyday. How many times do men try so hard to impress a woman who they consider way out of their league? When it comes time to deliver and they can’t live up to the promises, the girl leaves and the guy calls her a gold digger and says she was only in it for the money. All the while, however, he was the one who staged the lies and wasn’t upfront about what he wanted from the get-go.

 

Women do it too! Maybe the girl will say she’s all about skiing, boating and hiking because she knows he’s into it. What happens when the two get involved and he finds out she only owns high heels and has never seen a ski hill in her life?

 

Lies really only make dating more complicated, and no one likes complicated. Be honest with your matches about what you want. More importantly, be honest with yourself.

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