A Beautiful Mind: How Personality Makes Us More Attractive

When looking for love, beauty really is only skin deep.

Single and searching? Matchmaker and life coach Susan Alper has some interesting insight on how physical attraction isn’t the most important piece of the puzzle. Instead, she suggests you dig deeper and get to know someone you may have overlooked: their good qualities might just make them seem like a better catch.

As a professional Matchmaker, one of the most challenging things I have to deal with in my job today is online dating. Sadly, this practice only focuses on pictures of potential candidates; the dating scene has become very visual. I really try not show pictures of clients, unless it is an absolute must.

Why do I follow this policy? I have never met anyone (except models) who looks better in a photo than they do in real life. Why am I really successful at my job? It could be my sales, PR and marketing background that helps me promote my client as a total package. Because that’s what we are: complete people, with a lot more to love than a great smile or nice eyes.

Being physically attracted to your partner is important, but if you base attraction solely on a pretty picture, you are probably not going to be able to come “out of the box.” In the dating world, this means coming outside of your comfort zone. Men tend to focus more on a specific type of look in their search for a partner, while women often pursue the perfect whole package or bigger picture. That is why there are so many single women! It isn’t until they realize that the “perfect” man doesn’t exist that they are able to open their mind, expand their options and find love.

I have even been able to fix up couples with the complete opposite of what they originally wanted. Why, you ask? Before I sign on potential clients, I conduct a consulting interview. At that time, I suggest they make a few changes to their wish list and be more realistic about their potential partner.

It is a visual world, and as much as it should be about the connection of two souls … who are we kidding? Love at first sight is not going to happen if both parties don’t feel a visual connection. But once you make each other laugh or find something in common, the potential for physical attraction becomes much greater. That is what men and women want; a spark of electricty. Find that, and you may start to catch each other’s attention.

I tell my clients that even pretty people get can ugly if they have an “other side.” For a successful relationship, there has to be chemistry — which should translate to compatibility. Conventionally attractive people can be intimidating because they tend to think they could do “much better” or don’t always give 100 percent of their good qualities. Someone who might not have originally caught your eye may in fact possess many of the qualities you’re searching for in a partner: kindness, compassion, generosity or humor. And once you get to know that person, their positive traits make them all the more desireable!

This reminds me of an old song that goes something like “If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, don’t make a beautiful woman your wife!” This may be tongue-in-cheek, but it serves as a reminder to us to place more value on the personality and values of our potential partners. And who knows? You might just find them beautiful, to boot.