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©2017 BY SUSAN ALPER CONNECTIONS.

Copyright Susan Alper Connections 2018

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The Divorce Factor

 

 

“Growing up in a broken home” that was the term used for kids whose parents were divorced, some 40+ years ago.

 

Today, divorce is nothing like it was back in my early years. Women today are not branded by the stigma of being divorced like they once were; they continue along with or without a man. It’s less bad and/or undesirable to be divorced. Ultimately, it’s simply the reality of the world we live in. In fact, the province of Quebec has the highest rate of divorce, of all the Canadian provinces, whereby only half of marriages succeed.

 

Even with the high percentage of failure, it seems that couples move on less unscathed than the children. It is the kids that often get stuck in the cross hairs and end up the most agonized and hurt.

 

For starters, children of divorce typically have two homes but never truly one place they can call home, because they’re constantly being shipped back and forth. And of course, let us not forget, the age-old strife of feeling like they must pick sides.

 

My own father was so determined to destroy my relationship with my mother, that I spent my entire childhood and adolescence completely anxious and torn between the two. 

 

As a matchmaker, it pains me to hear stories about the anger people feel towards their exes. Those that do share children just add the youngster(s) fragile aching hearts to the broken relationship. Ultimately making them less trusting of relationships in the future. When they do meet someone later in life, they often fear deep down they may end up like their own parents. 

 

I have the pleasure of planning and coordinating multiple events in my profession, and weddings are by far the costliest of all. It seems that in our current day and age, most couples are more excited about the planning of their wedding than their actual nuptials and the sanctity of the marriage itself. The average cost of a wedding in just over $30,000. That’s a lot to spend on a “party” that has a 50% probability of ending in divorce.

 

Life is full of ups and downs, but the true gift is love and family. In that consideration, the true happiness of the child or children is highly dependent on their parents. Divorce is not the fault of a child, and parents who hold grudges and stay angry with their ex-partners only tilt the dial to favor their emotional anguish and despair over their offspring’s.

 

Having a second chance to start again is a true blessing and so divorce in many ways can be a healthy and positive decision, so long as the impact on the child or children is the first concern.

 

The ultimate goal is true happiness for everyone involved. Divorce doesn’t have to be hurtful and ugly if the couple can find a way to take the high road and prioritize the love of the family above all else.

 

Food for thought: Remember that at one point, there was love and happiness that created a beautiful family. Don’t taint that belief or negatively impact your family’s opinion of their mother or father by making them witnesses to a malicious and bitter war, between parents.

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